(no subject)

[heidi]

The Daily Telegraph sent two reviewers to GoF, and the 14 year old writer who did one of the reviews liked it well enough, so that's not really what I'm just flaberghasted by today. here's the review by some 20something chick, which began:

I thought I knew what to expect. A couple of hours of child wizards casting spells, some japery involving flying broomsticks, a few owls and maybe some humorous interludes with a green elf. What I got was a two-and-a-half hour monster and death fest.

Now, with a first paragraph like that, do you think that woman has read the book? Or five? Or six?
[Poll #606777]
So then the rest of the review

Even before the opening credits, some poor old caretaker has been murdered by an enormous man-eating snake in what looks like the corridor of the Bates' Motel. Soon, a gang of men wearing Ku Klux Klan hoods are throwing flames about and making huge skulls appear from nowhere.

If Harry isn't sprouting giant gills and webbed feet to save himself from drowning, then he's being chased to the death by a winged dragon or speared by pitchfork-wielding mermaids.

In the final scenes, Timothy Spall cuts off his own hand for no particular reason, lobs it into a steaming cauldron and watches nonchalantly as a slime-covered foetal figure unfurls in the form of Lord Voldemort.

It turns out to be Ralph Fiennes, made up to look like a cross between Keith Flint in The Prodigy videos and Edvard Munch's The Scream.

It was unutterably terrifying. And there wasn't a green elf in sight.

I'll ask the question again, slightly differently this time:
[Poll #606778]
So, should this be used as a textbook example of How Not To Review?


* and yes, that was supposed to be BBQ in the last line of the second poll. Damn you, LJ, and your bar on editing polls!

ETA: You know, I think I found something the whole fandom can come together about. Elizabeth Day is galactically stupid!

Comments

[ceilidh]

Um, if she'd actually READ THE BOOKS she'd have the sense to know it's NOT FOR LITTLE KIDS. I'm not taking my five year old; she won't be able to deal. When it comes on DVD we can quickly skip through parts that bother her; until then, no.

[moony]

You'll see, like, ten minutes of film!

[ceilidh]

Then she'll just have to wait till it's not scary for her anymore. Seriously, scary stuff freaks her out. She practically climbed out of my lap the first time we saw PoA in the theatre (second time for me) and it took both Tarie and me to calm her down. She's just not old enough for it yet.

[moony]

Yeah, there were some seriously little kids in my screening, and nearly all of them ended up crying or leaving before the end. I saw adults covering their eyes at a few points (I certainly did). This is a dark, dark film.

[ceilidh]

I thinnk Harry and Ron fighting will upset her, because she has this 'thing' about friends not getting along (and I don't think she'll understand *why* they are fighting), and I know the Voldemort stuff will scare her. :(

[moony]

The Voldemort stuff is CREEPY. Omfg Wormtail. Hand. Creepy. Aihgfrjhgfasjkhg.