"Cake or Death" (an SPN fic)

[heidi]

Title: Cake or Death

Fandom: Supernatural

Character: Ava

Rating: PG-13?

Disclaimer: Kripke's boys (and girl). I own none of them. But I'll post the cake recipe if anyone wants it. Cake or Death is from Eddie Izzard, conceptually.

Summary: Ava makes a choice - cake or death? Takes place just before All Hell Breaks Loose.



She's put on a few pounds in the five months she's been in this miserable, dusty town. She'd like to have more showers, of course, and a margarita might be nice once in a while, but the cake is damned good.

It's always devil's food cake.

Ironic, isn't it?

Every time, she clears out a new bunch of idiotic kids - college brats who think they're so smart, pretty football players who can be so condescending, clingy dental hygenists who wibble and fret - she outsmarts all of them and they all go down in tears or in shock or sometimes, without a chance to react at all.

She doesn't have to clean up the messes. The bodies are all gone within a few minutes once she dispatches the last of them. Every time. They just disapear. And she doesn't wonder where they go, or if she does wonder, she really doesn't care anymore. They were weak, she is strong.

They get death. She gets cake. A picnic on a red blanket and a key to a bathroom with a lovely hot shower that's always stocked with gems from Lush and a comfortable bed with downy pillows and....

And then she wakes up locked in the shed and the game starts all over again.


Unbeta-ed. Written on a handheld at 11:30 pm on Thursday, May 10.
: flumps. I go sleep now.

Comments

[allysonsedai.livejournal.com]

This was good! ♥ I like the idea that it truly *is* a game to the YED.

Lush references FTW!

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

You just know this is reality tv in hell.

And yes, yay for lush!

[merrycontrary.livejournal.com]

*giggles a little hysterically*

Oh, I really can't wait to meet you.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Right back atcha!

And I think I was a bit hysterical when I wrote it....

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

Yep. That works. Devil's food cake. Heh.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[slaysvamps.livejournal.com]

You know, I was thinking that she'd get food every time she killed off another bunch of them....

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Exactly - she can't go five months without anything - she looks too nourished and shiny-haired for that!

Thanks for your comment!

[deirdre-c.livejournal.com]

Heee! Very clever!

Margaritas. :D

(But you cannot make me feel sorry for Ava. No. Nope. She killed Andy. SHE'S FOREVER BLACKLISTED.)

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Oh, I totally hate on her for what she did to Andy. Bitch. Doesn't deserve the lush-goodies.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Fucking brilliant.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Devil's food? Hee hee! Love it! And yeah, for supposedly being out of circulation for five months, Ava looked fat and sassy to me, too.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

And her hair looked really cute and sassy, too!

[tabaqui]

Duuuuude. Freaky and horrible and perfect.
:)

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[subtly-modded.livejournal.com]

hah! lovely! also, more proof that Eddie Izzard works in every fandom!

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Yes! He totally does!

[hidden-easel.livejournal.com]

LOL

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[fae-calumnae.livejournal.com]

Oh dude, wow, this is AWESOME. Much love, much love. Seriously. Yays.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[andycake.livejournal.com]

Hee! I am glad I'm not the only one who noticed that Ava looked a little, well, puffy around the face in last night's episode.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

I feel really bad for noticing because she's cute and sassy and all, but, yeah. Cake.

[superdork37.livejournal.com]

LMAO amazing! And Lush!!!

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

OMG ALWAYS LUSH!

The DEMON shops at Lush! (And he was very bitter when they discontinued Slammer, and buys up all the Snow Fairy every holiday season.)

[zen_raven.livejournal.com]

Oooooh, so sorry, Ava....

We're all outta cake.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Jake will be vaguely annoyed by the cake and Lush collection and will fill out the comment card with a request for pizza and lever 3000.

[cathybites.livejournal.com]

oh, Ava. <333

I just love the picture of her happily eating her cake, maybe thinking about new and interesting ways to kill people.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

She has to be creative because she never knows in advance what powers people are going to show up with. And she can't kill them while they're sleeping just after getting transported there - she did that once and the YED thought it was clever but sort of cheating, which is why she now gets locked in the shed, so she can't start early.

[lark_ascends]

Oh, wow...

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[mandysbitch.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was actually really cool for such a short fic.

Poor Ava - and yet not.

I love the tone of this - matter-of-fact and yet it's such a horrible situation.

*Very* cool.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

It really is, and I sorta keep coming back to it and thinking about her and what it took to get her to that point, and the fact that one reason Sam probably didn't kill Jake - even before he saw Dean - is because he didn't want to be That Guy who had to kill everyone who came through next.

If I was to do an AU where Sam killed Jake and another batch of kids came in, I'd have one of them be someone who he knew in high school or even earlier....

[kris4n6.livejournal.com]

LOL! I love it, especially that she gets treated with Lush!

I bet the YED's favorite soap is Demon in the Dark. Or is that too obvious? Maybe he's a HIWTK kind of demon.

(and I'm still irritated over the death of Slammer, though Sexy Peel abates that anger just a bit. A bit.)

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Yes! The HIWTK massage bars!

I haven't tried Sexy Peel - is it a bath gel or a lotion?

[kris4n6.livejournal.com]

It's a soap - it has the same scent as Slammer. I didn't know that til after I bought it (I just thought it was nice and citrussy) - I freaking love it. And their other new soap, Ice Blue, is the same fragrance as the dearly departed Freeze shower gel. I think both are now my favorite soaps.

[albydarned.livejournal.com]

Is it bad that I read the title and just started laughing? *sighs* Well, at least ONE story out of all of these could make me crack a smile, but I really liked how you delved into her character with this. I mean, I wish we could learn more about what happened to her, what truly motivated her to become a killer, but still, this was fantastic.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it got you to smile!

And yeah, I would be thrilled if they gave us some canon-insight into those five months - I doubt we'll get it, though. Alas.

You icon makes me very alas and wibbly, too, btw. OH SAM!

[sundancekid.livejournal.com]

I had to wait until I was all caught up to read -- I like it! I like the cyclical nature, the way it's all not real. :)

(Oh man, tonight. *clings*