Everything happens in the third week of October

[heidi]

Friday night was Simchas Torah, which is one of my favorite holidays, in part because it's so festive, and in part because it's so circuitous.

Circuitous. That's the purpose of the holiday. On that evening, we complete the annual reading of the Torah - using the Jewish calender, we read one Torah portion a week, and it takes all year to read the whole thing. As soon as we finish the last verse - literally, in my synogogue - we start again at the beginning. Our rabbis do a tag team kind of thing - we the congregants roll out the Torah, and everyone who wishes to can be a part of the chain that holds it - Jon and I were towards the end, and Aaron was somewhere in the middle. And Harrison joined his friends in running under the unrolled scroll. All the while, the Cantor was singing an on-the-spot-made-up version of "Roll, roll, roll the scroll..." where one of the verses went:
Roll, roll, roll the scroll
Back to the begining.
It's as long as the baseball season.
The Marlins go on winning!

Rabbi Gary, who's the senior rabbi in our synogogue, chanted the last verse, held the last note, ran to Rabbi Davis, who ran to Rabbi Gail, who started at the very beinging, with "Beresheet barah." That means, "in the begining."

And just like the circle of Torah, and the circles we make in synogogue on that night, the middle of October is the circle that my life revolves around.

Little things, like my first concert (The Police, 1983), my first breakup (Brett, 1988), my first post-law-school job, special trips and important dates - if they're not in the two weeks around my birthday, they're likely in the middle of October.

Thirteen years ago, almost to the minute, my then-best-friend R was run over by a van across the street from my apartment at college; the mugger dragged her about twenty feet, smashed her between their white van and the cars parked along the street, and ran over her. And I watched as this happened, unable to run to the street to help because the cars were all parked bumper to bumper.

Now, before I go any further, let me say that she was in a coma for about a day, and in the hospital until Thanksgiving, and our friendship was ruined because seeing me made her remember that night, and the cops caught the guys that night and they were sent to prison when they each pled guilty, and in all physical ways, other than a few scars, R is fine now. She recovered miraculously, graduated college on time, and has a very interesting life at the moment.

But it happened on October 19.

Six years to the day later, I got married. I realised about three days after we booked the hotel that it was going to be the same day; Aaron and I looked upon it as reclaiming the day, and it was the right thing to do.

Now, my wedding weekend was also the thirteenth anniversary of my Bat Mitzvah - in other words, this weekend (actually October 21) is the twentieth anniversary of my Bat Mitzvah. I am planning to do something special with the synogogue on the day that the portion I chanted comes up again in mid-November, because under the Jewish calendar, that's the anniversary, but I still always feel proprietary about October 21.

And about October 20, for that matter. Even though Harrison wasn't actually conceived until the first week of November, the way pregnancies are "dated" means that my Harry-pregnancy started on October 20, 1998. And if you go back into my calendar, you'll see that I announced my Jon-pregnancy in the third week of October, too.

And today at lunch, Harry drew a wonderful circle for me - the best I've seen him do so far.

My circle always comes back to these few days - just like the Torah is read in a continuous cycle because the circle is a symbol of eternity - although I know that laughingirl would say I should look to the loops of the infinity symbol instead of, or at least in addition to, the perfect circle.

Somehow, I like the circle, though. Every point in the circle is equidistant from its center. It has no end and no begining. It is dynamic, always moving, rolling, even twisting itself into the Moebius Strip that I make sometimes for Harry so he can move his little action figures from side to side.

And, to bring this back to fandom, we have cycles, circuitous movements and arguments and debates and things that have no begining and no end (well, SoC has a begining, but as yet, no end - I'm not doing NaNoWriMo because I'm opting for FiSuCuDa (Finish Surfeit of Curses, Dammit!) instead).

Well, it's a hope - and if I fulfill it, then October 19 will have another tick on it - the day I started working to finish the bleeping thing.

But as far as fandom goes, it's up to each of us, individually, to decide if we want to complete the circle with a perfect pen-stroke, or utilize our metaphorical adobe programs to run one of those nifty image-filters over it, and make it be something else. And perhaps that's because when you see a circle from the side, it's just a line.

---

Comments

And the seasons, they go round and round...

[aome.livejournal.com]

Happy anniversary!

[effervescent.livejournal.com]

This was a great post - I'd been thinking alot lately about how things change from year to year - it's about a year since I joined FA and that was really the beginning of my active fandom life - and this reminded me of it.

Happy Anniversary, Heidi!

[february-sea.livejournal.com]

The circle is a sacred symbol in geometry, and while I won't bore you with all the reasons I adore circles (and triangles, too), I would like to tell you that I wholeheartedly adore your analogy of life to circles.

Blessed be your days, Heidi, and blessed remain your circle.

Olivia

[longtimegone]

Thanks for posting that, Heidi. You're a really amazing person, one of the first people I met in this fandom, and I wish you and yours all the happiness you can stand. *hugs* Happy anniversary!

[likebunnies.livejournal.com]

Happy Anniversary! I hope you and your family had a wonderful day.

[tabithajones.livejournal.com]

This was a fabulous post.

And Happy Anniversary!!!

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

Happy anniversary, Heidi. October 19th is also my older sister's birthday. I guess lots of good things happen at this time of year:-)

[abigail89.livejournal.com]

What a lovely reflection about the circles in your life. Wow.

Thanks for reminding all of us about those points in our lives that bring us back to sacredness of it all. We don't do enough of that.

[twiggymolly.livejournal.com]

Wow! I found this amazing as October has always been the month for me to experience life changing events. I actually come to expect something spectacular on Oct. 12. I have never been dissapointed.
Have a happy Anniversary!
By the way, I found you via Cassie.

Twiggymolly

[sff-corgi.livejournal.com]

This was a lovely read. Happy circle!

[dancingrain.livejournal.com]

now i am wishing i had made myself go to simchat torah after all, instead of wimp out because of the cold.

[alyeska.livejournal.com]

Happy Anniversary! What a great post.

[mars-daydream.livejournal.com]

Wonderful post, Heidi. Mazel tov on your anniversary. :)

And my personal NaNoWriMo is going to be finishing my fanfic too. I will be dancing with joy if that happens!

[ackonrad.livejournal.com]

Happy Anniversary!

[mad-madrasi.livejournal.com]

I loved reading this post. :) Happy Anniversary, Heidi!

[lissannej.livejournal.com]

I loved this post, because as you know, Judaism fascinates me.

Happy Anniversary!

[heart-of-wine.livejournal.com]

That was a beatufiul post. Here's to mid-October, and to the circle.

Another circle I thought of: I love how in the Jewish wedding ceremony the couple walks together in a circle for their first journey together. It always touches me so much I want to cry.

Hugs,
Elia

[hastyent.livejournal.com]

You never cease to amaze me. This was a truly amazing post. Happy Anniversary.

[lore]

*warm feelings abound*

All light and love to you and yours, Heidi. October is such a special month to many - It's hard to be anything but awed when the air is cooling and there is a riot of color all around. Many happy returns on all your special dates!

love, lore

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

This was amazing. A really wonderful post .Ltos of food for good thought. Thanks! That really rounded my day.