And sometimes, Miss Manners gets it
Jan. 22nd, 2003 11:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
heidiFrom today's column:
In March, two acquaintances will be getting married.
They have been my friends since high school and I wish to be respectful, but I have never had to respond to the niceties of a same-sex marriage before this and I find myself rather confused.
I had sent them individual greeting cards for the holiday season, one to "Mr. Smith" and one to "Mr. Jones."
Should I continue to send cards individually?
Or should I send one card to Mr. & Mr. Smith-Jones?
Or is there some other option that just isn't coming to mind?
And here's what she suggests using as the address:
"Mr. Smith/Mr. Jones" -- the appropriate solution for all couples who have different surnames but live at the same address.
Emphasis mine. Punctuation hers.
In March, two acquaintances will be getting married.
They have been my friends since high school and I wish to be respectful, but I have never had to respond to the niceties of a same-sex marriage before this and I find myself rather confused.
I had sent them individual greeting cards for the holiday season, one to "Mr. Smith" and one to "Mr. Jones."
Should I continue to send cards individually?
Or should I send one card to Mr. & Mr. Smith-Jones?
Or is there some other option that just isn't coming to mind?
And here's what she suggests using as the address:
"Mr. Smith/Mr. Jones" -- the appropriate solution for all couples who have different surnames but live at the same address.
Emphasis mine. Punctuation hers.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 08:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 10:07 am (UTC)Why have you been reading Debrett's? Do you meet people and then look them up? or are you shopping for an Earl, or possibly a Marquis? ^_^
-k
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 10:34 am (UTC)And Debrett's -- bought myself a copy in Upper Sixth when I realised that there were actually people (like my headmaster) who actually cared about form. *shrug* It's occasionally useful now, because I tend to forget the exact differences between black tie and white tie, but is a great loo read. :D
White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 10:51 am (UTC)Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 11:08 am (UTC)I expect Miss Manners covers this too...or good old Emily Post.
Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 11:11 am (UTC)Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 11:17 am (UTC)Black Tie = Dinner Jackets (US: tuxedos). Never with clip-on bow-ties, always with self-tied.
White Tie = Academic wear. Black jackets with tails. Special trousers.
:)
Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 11:21 am (UTC)of course you didn't mean Peerage!
you meant this
It is only 10 pounds or something!
*hides in t00by shame*
Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-23 12:14 pm (UTC)Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 11:25 am (UTC)Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 11:26 am (UTC)Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 11:32 am (UTC):p
Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 03:47 pm (UTC)Also you need evening trousers, i.e. trousers with satin ribbon down the side seams. You wear these whether or not the jacket is black, cream, purple, blue etc.
White Tie = Academic wear. Black jackets with tails. Special trousers.
Should also have patent shoes with white tie, a high collar on the shirt and white waistcoat (US:vest). Very, very formal - diplomatic functions, very formal academic functions (for example, you must wear white tie at graduation for most of the ancient universities in the UK). I think you can also get away with red jackets with tails but there are probably rules about that. N.B. tails are cut differently from morning coats (US:Ascots) which also have tails but aren't 'tails'.
You can be far more colourful with black tie and even wear "black tie" without a bow tie (himself even wore a cravat with his gorgeous black velvet dinner jacket and self-made waistcoat at a recent black tie event, even if he did manage to be snapped at the most inopportune moments.)
Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-22 07:15 pm (UTC)Oxford's black tie does have a strictly black dinner jacket, but no restriction about whether bow ties must be clip-on or self-tied. (Thankfully!) There is also no formal restriction on the colour of the bow tie - mine was black-and-tasteful-claret and nobody ever raised an eyebrow.
Oxford's white tie is slightly less formal than that, too - no restriction on shoe material or collar height and no obligatory waistcoat. In fact, just digging the graduation wear restrictions letter out from the recycling pile:
Men: dark suit, dark socks, dark footwear, white bow tie, white collar and white shirt
Women: white blouse, black tie, dark skirt or trousers, dark stockings, dark footwear
I can't remember anyone whose "dark" wasn't black or at least indistinguishably dark grey. I think active armed forces members can use military uniform instead if they like, too.
Re: White Tie=Formal / Black Tie=Semi-Formal ??
Date: 2003-01-23 01:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 10:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 11:10 am (UTC)It is kind of like a Who's Who in British Aristocracy. And as John pointed it out it includes some protocols for dress and appropriate manners. I haven't seen a copy for years...
Amazon doesn't quite do it justice...
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 11:18 am (UTC)Debrett's
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 12:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 10:05 am (UTC)who knew?
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-22 03:55 pm (UTC)