Mean Girls

[heidi]

I'm reading the article from the New York Times about "Mean Girls" - the link is to the reprint of the story on the Guardian's website, as the Times charges 2.50$US for it - and talking with Ali.

Gah, I hate "mean."

I was on the receiving end of it at camp, intermittently in school, and never in college, luckily enough. Law school, OTOH...

I don't like it. And part of me does want to hold out for that universal popularity. But as JKR wrote Dumbledore as saying, I'll be waiting a long time.

That's ok, I can keep working for it.

Comments

[sundancekid.livejournal.com]

Interesting article. The worst part is that high school students still talk like that, and the article's about sixth-graders. Actually, the worst part is that I know people who talk like the girl with all the rules for the clique.

*shakes head* It gets better when you grow up, right?

Allison

[alyeska.livejournal.com]

That was a very interesting article, and a very sad but true commentary on female social structure.

I was never popular and from middle school on up I've been on the receiveing end of "mean girls" more often than not. College wasn't as bad but there were moments. (You can't not have catty moments in the greek system.)

I wish I could say it goes away as we enter adulthood, but I've found it doesn't, not really. Once a "mean girl" always a "mean girl", well in my experience anyway. I'm glad I work mostly with all guys.

~Kristin

[ex-mahoney365.livejournal.com]

How did I miss that crap? I know there were girls like that at my school, whom I did have to interact with, but I never had problems with them. I mean, I wasn't one of them, and I neither cared nor was on the receiving end of any nastiness. No time for it, really.

And I really thought "Heathers" was a *huge* exaggeration. Had no clue it was a reflection of reality to such an extent.

Wow. Yikes.

[viola-dreamwalk.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Heathers is a huge exaggeration, IMO. It's black comedy, which takes real-life to the nth degree. The movie is really just an elaborate metaphor.

But, it's a very interesting article. I'm not sure I think Rosalind Wiseman is anywhere near the right track with her thinking/methods... but it's an intriguing issue to bring up.

[tabithajones.livejournal.com]

How ironic -- I was *just* talking about this with a few friends this morning. As for personal experience, I actually went from being one of those Mean Girls when I was around 8 or 9 to being one of their targets all throughout middle school. It was hellish, pure and simple, but in a way it was also good because I was able to understand what it was like to be on the receiving-end, and even at the young age of 12 or so, I remember being ashamed at how I had treated people. It was all done out of insecurity and a desire to fit in, but early on, I was able to recognize that friendship and individuality are what count, and I've become a better person because of it.

But I definitely agree that we all have this inherent desire to be popular, perhaps not all of us in the stereotypical definition of "popular" -- the definition that conjures up images of hair twirling and cheerleading skirts -- but I think everyone has an innate desire to be liked by others. And I think this is especially true when it comes to girls. I've been very vocal on this point, but I really believe that society conditions girls to dislike each other. We live in a society in which the mantra seems to be "If I was just a little prettier/thinner/smarter, I'd be happy." so when we look at passers-by who we think *are* prettier or thinner or smarter, on some subconscious level, a sense of either hostility or sadness hits us. Especially as we get older and more knowledgable as to the true nature of the world, it becomes even harder to resist the temptation to compare yourself to the women around you, and over time, we wind up distrustful of other women.

Okay, so this is admittedly a very cynical view of the world, and perhaps I don't necessarily believe all of that every single day. But for the most part, I think it's true, and it saddens me that women do this to each other.

And thus concludes my rant on your LJ :)

Tab

Mean Girls

[(Anonymous)]

Apparently this is a new area of sociological study. There is a new book coming out next month called "Odd Girl Out", that deals with what is termed "Female Aggressive Relationship Behavior". I heard an interview with the author and was amazed at some of the situations she described. Her theory is, that with boys they get their aggressive feelings out by hitting, punching, general fighting etc. That behavior is 1) pretty visible and easy to for adults to see and intercede, and 2) over and done with once the fight has ended. For girls the rules are different, we are taught to be nice, and hitting isn't nice. So very often girls take out their aggressive feelings socially. As well, many girls who have been victims at one point, are likely to become aggressors later. Girls who have been victims are also likely to have issues trusting other women. Very fascinating. I'm sorry I can't remember the author's name. The interview was on NPR sometime in February, and the info could perhaps be found on their websight.