heidi: (Four One Cingular)
heidi ([personal profile] heidi) wrote2006-03-31 09:23 am

I'd like to teach the world to fic...

It's April 1 in Australia and New Zealand, so I think I can finally go live with some big news:
DENVER, Co. — Google Inc., AOL-Time Warner, Inc., Microsoft, Coca-Cola, Walt Disney Corporations, American Airlines, Wal-Mart, Yahoo!, Lush, Nike, FictionAlley and Dan Radcliffe today announced that they have entered into a world-transforming merger designed to meet all the needs of all people everywhere.

Industry legends Google, AOL, Yahoo, Time-Warner, Coca-Cola, T-Mobile, FictionAlley, Walt Disney, and Dan Radclifffe will be working in close collaboration to optimize and deliver entertainment vehicles and consumer goods and services. These include literally millions of TV shows, films, wool socks for when your feet are cold, songs, software programs, water flumes, Internet postings, virtual private networking, yummy cheese bagels, instant messaging, a bank, snuff, other snortable products, amusement park rides, original stories, fanfiction and personal lubricant gift packages wrapped up in a bow, and wicked-good beverages, including but not limited to Diet Coke With Lime But Without Caffeine. Financial terms of this transaction were not released.

Available now at http://www.fictionalley.org, this powerful new amalgamation/corporation/bank enables users to access the wealth of information generated by years of past and future entertainment and consumer-satisfaction modes. Once the full consolidation of these entities is effectuated, users will be able to search, browse, steal, and redistribute for free on the Internet more than ten billion chunks of entertainment known as Blips. In addition, the company, heretofore to be known as "The Company", will soon provide improved viewing capabilities on an LCD screen that individuals will be able to have implanted onto their hands, or, if they prefer, their forearms, in the same location where the Dark Mark is branded on Death Eaters (that was Microsoft's idea). Also, the wool socks will be available in lots of colors.

Dan Radcliffe, the only individual involved in the merger, said, "After buying the Black Family Tree, I realised I have far too much money. I've decided to bankroll The Company in order to bring people together on a worldwide basis."

"The joining of these significant assets will enable The Company to offer an vital new source of information to both users around the world," said Steve Jobs, who is involved in The Company via Walt Disney. "We are committed to extending our user interface leadership in developing and deploying all necessary technologies required to provide the optimal sensory experience to millions of users worldwide."

"Yeah," said Bill Gates. "What he said. Microsoft is committed to extending its plagiarism leadership by doing all that stuff, but better, on Windows."

"We assume most people are going to think this is a joke," said Orchid Malfoy, Google's largest single investor. "But people thought the same thing two years ago today when we announced GMail, and look at how well that's turned out. I say: Reserve judgment until you've tried our snuff."

If you want to see our new cover art,


We're still rolling out the images for each house and subsection, but they should all be live over the course of today, April 1, 2006. I'm personally especially thrilled by Google's sponsorship of Schnoogle, which we've now renamed Schnooooooooogle, and Dan Radcliffe's personal involvement with Astronomy Tower, but I have a feeling that LiveJournal's takeover of Riddikulus will cause more wangst giggles.

[identity profile] loneraven.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:32 pm (UTC)(link)
HEEEE. Oh, you are bad people. *g*

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Orchid Malfoy's feelings are hurt!

[identity profile] abigail89.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sure Dan would agree he needs more romance...

Nice touch. As a writer in the Riddikulus House, I'm loving the goat. And the wank. ;D

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:03 pm (UTC)(link)
We thought Ridd could use some wangst!

[identity profile] megaloo13.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:37 pm (UTC)(link)
*giggles* "Mircosoft presents The Dark Arts" has got to be the best thing. :)

Um, sure!

[identity profile] enelya-oronar.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I can totally see this happening. Maybe. If I turn my head to the left, squint my right eye and completely remove my left eye. Then maybe.....Sad part is people will actually .....well they are supposed to believe, right?

Re: Um, sure!

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)
We try to make it so people can catch the silliness by the end of the posting, with a few extra minutes thrown in for the decaffinated. I was once caught in college by a serious prank by the school newspaper, so I am always trying to be on the gentle side.

[identity profile] madlori.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:48 pm (UTC)(link)
You had me going for about five seconds.

Nicely done, Heidi.

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
What showed you the light?

[identity profile] emmagrant01.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:58 pm (UTC)(link)
*snerk*

[identity profile] gehayi.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:59 pm (UTC)(link)
The Dark Mark for Microsoft and this quote got me giggling:

Dan Radcliffe, the only individual involved in the merger, said, "After buying the Black Family Tree, I realised I should use the money I've earned playing Harry Potter to bring people together on a worldwide basis."

I have to admit my first reaction was, "How could you possibly buy anything about the Black Family Tree, Dan? The dates and ages don't even match canon!"

...I am a sad, SAD penguin.

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
...buying...

Oh, that is brilliant. I didn't even intend your interpritation, but omg, do I love it!

[identity profile] aome.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Love the corporate sponsorship!

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
I was going to put google ads on all the fics, but...
ext_18224: (Default)

[identity profile] novembersnow.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Ahahaha. "Microsoft Presents The Dark Arts" is far and away my favorite, but I also got a good laugh out of "GE: Bringing Good Things to LUMOS."

FictionAlley always makes me look forward to April 1. ;)
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for the compliment! Most of the credit goes to [livejournal.com profile] ani_bester and [livejournal.com profile] smilie117!
ext_2998: Skull and stupid bones (Default)

[identity profile] verstehen.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 03:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, I am seriously too sick for jokes like this. It took me about five minutes to realize 'April Fools!'

[identity profile] elfundeb.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Control? Oh, Big Brother! ::snerk::

Yeah, this lawyer wasn't fooled for a second. Obviously I still remember what I learned in my Antitrust course, because my reaction was something like "but you forgot that little detail about how you bombed bribed the FTC to pull it off."

Very creative!

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Pah! Legal minds think alike!

[identity profile] effervescent.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 04:49 pm (UTC)(link)
*snickers* I love you guys so much.

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! Credit mostly goes to [livejournal.com profile] ani_bester and [livejournal.com profile] smilie_117.

[identity profile] dragonrider7.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 04:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Hello, you just made my day.

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Am flattered!

Credit mostly goes to [livejournal.com profile] ani_bester and [livejournal.com profile] smilie_117.

[identity profile] pennswoods.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 05:01 pm (UTC)(link)
*cackles like a mad fool* Gosh, I love FA!

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much! Btw, credit mostly goes to [livejournal.com profile] ani_bester and [livejournal.com profile] smilie_117.
zorb: (Locke on LJ)

[personal profile] zorb 2006-03-31 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)
FAP's logo is really an all too accurate description of fandom!

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
You know, I haven't used this icon in years, but you gave me a chance!
ext_9390: My Phoebers! :D  (HP: Remus Fucking Serious)

[identity profile] chickadilly.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Hahahaa, Microsoft and the Dark Arts! Isn't that the truth? :D

*goes to look at the site*

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! Btw, I love your icon!
ext_9390: My Phoebers! :D  (HP: I am with you)

[identity profile] chickadilly.livejournal.com 2006-04-01 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks - I wish I could take credit for it but I'm not sure who made it. I found it somewhere on one of those HP Icon communities ages ago and only recently uploaded it. XD

I must say the Ron/Disney thing made me squee. ;D

[identity profile] plaidphoenix.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, I'd like to order 2 McLuna's and a diet coke please.

[identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Alas, I can only use one icon per post, so here's one McLuna!